ANGELICA

For the last two years i have been crying because my sister commited suicide, now I´m crying for something totally different.. friendship.. I have never before met so many persons that I actually like deep inside from my heart. At home you can have 10 friends that you love but you are always back stabbing each other, one day you are best friends,next day you hate each other.. Why? I will never let this happen again because I have learned how to appriciate real friendship.. In Sweden I have 10, here in Germany I have 70 and I like them all. Some persons I love more and some persons I wish known better but it´s no time for that now.. And guess what more I have experienced?! Real men that are crying.. In Sweden guys dont cry, but my male friends here cries and I really dont know how to handle it,, it makes me cry even more. Swedish guys dont cry unless someone died, but the persons here shows emotion... it makes me scared because I´m not used to it. Tonight I saw my friends cry because one of our friends are going home tomorrow... Taw, do you remember my husband Toto I wrote about in September? Yes thats him, I finally learned to say his name right. I dont know what went wrong between us but now I realize how much I´m gonna miss him even though we have had our periods when we have totally ignored each other. If I could turn back time I would have change a lot..

The most important I have learned from being an Erasmus is how to love and show emotions. I never thought it would be this hard to say goodbye to everyone, but it is really hard and my heart is aching. There is espicially one that I dont even wont to say goodbye to because I love this person too much, Alfredo.. He has a heart of gold. I dont know how to say goodbye to him,, Bye Alfredo, see you!!! No I cant.. I´m gonna cry my eyes out so I better dont say goodbye at all. I really hate this, I do. I thought it was hard when my best friend Sofia moved to France, this gonna be even harder. Sometimes I wish that I was that kind of person who had no friends, because than you never have to separate from someone, but at the same time I feel like the happiest person ever. My eramus friends brought me back to life. Loosing my sister was the worst thing ever happened to me, I did´nt feel like I was alive, I wanted to be left alone crying for myself in a corner.. But these friends here made me feel lika I was alive again.. I´m gonna miss everyone so incredible much.. They brought me back to the person I was 2 years ago, the happy person who loves everything. I dont know if I cry for being happy or sad, but crying I do..

If I was a native english speaking I would tell you everything i feel but I cant..


I dont want to say goodbye to Alfredo :(


I want to say thanks to all of you and I cant explain how much I appriciate you all.. I love you. And remember, this is not a goddbye, it is a see you again.. even how hard it is to say so, that´s the way it is


Erasmus in the Weindorf long, long time ago...